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Joke of the Day

"Heads, you give me your phone number, tails you go on a date with me. *flips coin into ceiling fan, it's knocked out a window into the sea*"

"Idea for getting laid: Have a friend on the east coast write down Jeopardy answers, then invite your flame over and blow their mind."

"Why pink camo? Do people hunt barbie jeeps or try to sneak up on pepto bismol?"

"It's important when dieting to reward yourself and take a break. Then, when you return to your diet a decade later you're all set to go"

"A Maid Knocks On Her Master's Door Her master is busy talking on the phone She asks, ""Sir would you like some juice?"" He Replies ""Give Me A Minute Maid"""

"Bee. The reason he needs an epi pen."

"What do you call a sleeping prisoner? Under a-rest."

"How do you know when an Australian prisoner is raping another prisoner? When they're in an inmate mate"

"Hi. Everyone. I created a subreddit for topical news jokes. If you like Colbert, Letterman and Leno's opening monologues, come check it out. /r/newsjokes"

"Company loyalty can often be explained by Stockholm syndrome."