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Joke of the Day

"Why did your mom tip the delivery boy? She wanted a pizza dat ass."

"Why are manhole covers round? Because manholes are round."

"Why is it so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They're always taking things...literally."

"I sexually identify as a pansexual And I have a fetish for cast-iron"

"If I ever murder anyone I'm going to hide the body on my second or third page of favstar where no one will ever find it"

"Me: How was the party last night? 17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What??? 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl."

"I read the following headline in the paper today: ""Woman Beats Off Attacker"""

"I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women It's real thick to hide the bruises"

"Research shows, 78% of all statistics are made up! Just like this one. (Its nit my own. I heard this somewhere, thought was worth sharing)"

"If a picture frame doesn't have the word ""memories"" written on it in giant cursive letters, how do I know what I'm looking at?!"