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Joke of the Day

"I asked my secret crush if she wanted to invest in my new invention idea, chloroform kleenex. She decided to sleep on it...at my place."

"Does killing time damage eternity?"

"HER: Are you free Friday night? ME: Let me check my colander. HER: Your... ME: *checking* Nope, sorry, I'll be making spaghetti."

"If you give a mouse a cookie.. If you give a mouse a cookie.. Why are you giving a mouse any food? That's unsanitary."

"Procrastination is like masturbation: it is fun and feels good but in the end you've only fucked yourself."

"The Mistaken Hiker"

"What do you call a bulimic magician? Hurlin' Merlin"

"There are three types of people... People who can count and people who can't"

"WARNING Drinking before pregnancy can cause pregnancy."

"What did batman say to the joker when he finally caught him? Gotham"