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Joke of the Day

"Make it hurt nsfw A woman told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt so I fucked her twice and punched her in the face."

"Trying to impress a girl who loves jokes about dead hookers. Give me ur best."

"I can't believe my kamikaze joke crashed and burned like that!"

"Phones - they bring you closer to the people that... ... also have phones."

"I gave two pints of blood at the hospital. You would think they'd appreciate it but they just started asking me questions like... Who's blood is this, and how did you get it?"

"Couples who have been married for a long time start finishing off each other's sentences. The most popular being ""Shut up""."

"Does everyone have a weird Facebook acquaintance that comments on all their shit, or is it just me?"

"It sucks to be a dick.. A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually."

"Three guys are walking down the street, two of them walk into a bar.... the third one ducks"

"I've satisfied every waitress I've met... With just the tip"