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Joke of the Day

"One day we'll open Twitter & it'll just say: Thanks for playing! Hope you enjoyed this social experiment. Now apologise to your loved ones."

"If the wrong women weren't so tempting, then I'd probably be married to the right one by now. @MaleHonesty86"

"My little sister made a face at my mom and said ""Guess who I am?"" My mom answered ""Who?"" ""Your daughter"" courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago"

"Went to the Indian bakery today and asked for some bread They said they had naan"

"This hotel I'm staying at tomorrow lists ""elevators"" as one of its amenities. I never thought I'd fly this close to the sun."

"Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I'm 100% behind you."

"The tragedy of Jack & Jill is they went *up* the hill to get water. You get water from the *bottom* of a hill. Stupidity killed them."

"If anyone asks, we met at a bible study."

"Are you from Idaho... Are you from Idaho cause I-da-hoe for you."

"Why did the clam go to jail? For setting up illegal shell companies!"