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Joke of the Day
"What's worse than waking up at a party with a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced."
Next Joke
"My wife sent me to a self-assertion course."
"GF: just FYI, my dad teaches at the Naval Academy [meeting her parents] ME: [lifting up shirt] does my belly button look weird to you?"
"A great way to get a cw to stop talking to you permanently is to start clipping your toenails in the middle of their story"
"If you drill a hole through the planet and drop a stone into it, how far does it fall Three feet and then the green rock eater eats it"
"On a bad dinner date? Bump the table with your knee to make the water in your glass ripple. Claim a T-Rex is coming. Sprint out the door."
"Rappers are terrible with pets: the Baja Men let their dogs out, DMX never knows where his dogs are at, and Pitbull is awful."
"I like my scotch like I like my women 12 years old and ice cold."
"My friend's boyfriend is an optometrist and a sadomasochist. She says he's a real sight for sore eyes even though he can be a pain in the ass."
"What's the difference between a woman and a fridge? A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out."