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Joke of the Day

"Which weighs more, a tonne of feathers or a tonne of bricks? The tonne of feathers, because not only do you carry the feathers, you have to carry the burden of what you did to those poor birds."

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"If burglars broke into my apt, they'd look around, shake their heads and leave me some cash with a note that says 'get yourself some shit!'"
"Lawyers are safe company to have for girls. They will be concerned about Your Honour more than their own."
"Monogamy is having one spouse. Polygamy is having more than one spouse. Monopolygamy is marrying the Monopoly Guy."
"Today I will be communicating exclusively through farts and meows"
"Our youngest has finally graduated from baby bottles to 2-liters of soda."
"What is Forest Gump's email password? 1forest1"
"I called the suffocation hotline yesterday... I was instructed to hold."
"My programmer friend keeps telling me I'm using too many brackets. I keep telling him that two wont hold all those books he never reads."
"Me and My Friends Play Yu-Gi-Oh In The Shed We call it the Shed-O-Realm."