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Joke of the Day

"*counting sheep before bed* *jesus walks in your room* ""I noticed there weren't any black sheep. what's up man. we gonna have a problem?"""

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? No one's ever paid to have a lentil on their face."

"I call my weed the Quran... because every time I burn it I get stoned."

"''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''"

"Me: How long have we had that pillow? Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days"

"In the future when cats rule the world, the currency will be Cuteness and i will be a poor and lonely man"

"What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's? Jackpot!"

"Psychoanalysis is nothing sinister There's really nothing to be afreud of."

"I won't undo a retweet in case someone finds it offensive. I just knit them onto pillows and give them as Christmas gifts."

"If Apple designed a house, what would they not install? Windows..."