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Joke of the Day

"aliens took me up to on their ship but i have no time for that drama so i just jumped out"

"When you open your heart to someone, there is blood. Lots and lots of blood. And then you die. So don't open your heart."

"judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison my lawyer: your honor my client respectfully requests a year be added to his sentence"

"Why doesn't Hitler play table tennis? Because he's dead."

"What does it mean when a chameleon cant change color? Reptile - disfunction"

"Today, someone asked me if there's a possibility that I know anything about Medieval music. I said, ""not a Gregorian chants""."

"I do all the wrong things the right way."

"When I hear someone complain that their towns are boring with nothing to do, all I hear is a boring person who doesn't know how to have fun."

"Stores in baltimore have been completely looted. all that's left is sunscreen and father's day cards. sauce: http://imgur.com/gallery/Tae9PI5"

"actualy the childrens story ""the three litle pigs"" is the first documented report of a wolf WHO CAN BREATHE HURICANES"