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Joke of the Day
"I started taking Viagra for my sunburn It doesn't cure it but it sure keeps the sheet off my legs."
Next Joke
"The french word for ""unfortunately"" has 15 letters The english word for unfortunately has 13, but it's two short EDIT: For the curious, the french word is ""malheureusement"""
"I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire but I've only come up with one: Lying."
"30 And to his followers he said, ""Beliebers, weep not for me but yourselves and your children; for they'll never get to see me in concert."""
"Me: Excuse me, where's the rowing boat equipment? Employee: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. Me: ... Employee: ... Me: Or you'll what?"
"How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but how in the hell did they get in there?"
"Do you know how to tell when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's clothing."
"I pulled the trigger on myself... now I'm triggered."
"I AM NOT REALLY YELLING AT YOU I JUST GOT USED TO TALKING TO MY TEENAGER WHO ALWAYS HAS HEADPHONES IN"
"[Driving w/date in car] Date [turns radio to country] Me [reaches over date, opens passenger door] This isn't working. [Hits eject button]"