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Joke of the Day

"Jake Butt wins tight end of the year http://www.mlive.com/wolverines/index.ssf/2015/12/michigans_jake_butt_wins_big_t.html"

"Whats the difference between toast and Frenchmen? You can make soldiers out of toast."

"Tomorrow you should turn back our clocks one hour. for Daylight Saving Time Unless you're Arabic, in which case you should set it forward 14 centuries."

"What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died? Barium"

"My 4 yr old asked if I was sick, I said ""Yes, please ask mommy to bring me the Sudafed""... My wife walks by me and says, ""Why do you want soup in bed?"""

"What is the one food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? Wedding cake."

"By the power vested in me by this vintage merlot, I now pronounce us husband and wife. I may now kiss the bottle."

"I've decided to shave off my eyebrows and draw them in. It's pretty cool, except when I have to redraw them to show somebody I'm angry."

"How many black men does it take to feed a family? Just one, if you eat the whole thing."

"[restaurant] ME: Do you have updog? WAITER: [sighs] No sir M: Ok, is this gluten free? W: No you have to pay for it M: Damn you're good"