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Joke of the Day

"[funeral] ok I need everyone over 70 to gather for the bouquet toss"

"(Final maths exam) Q: what are the two small horizontal parallel lines? a) double negative b) equals c) eleven fell over"

"Only if these women were as thorough in choosing a man as they are in choosing which selfies to upload on Facebook maybe they wouldn't get heartbroken so often."

"What's the difference between a sperm and a Young Republican / Young Conservative A sperm has at least a 1 in 100 million chance of becoming a human being"

"I'm going camping this weekend with a bunch of models. It's going to be pretty in tents."

"QUESTION: What were the very first straws made of? ANSWER: Straw."

"Wanna hear a short joke ? Wanna hear another one ?"

"Cops in the U.S. are like vampires They suck, their bloodthirsty, and can't come in your home unless invited!"

"On Kashyyyk, Chewbacca's homeworld, would amateur junior-level warriors be called Rookie Wookies? :)"

"What do big banks and Hillary Clinton have in common? They aren't too big to fail"