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Joke of the Day

"If you're having second thoughts, you're 2 ahead of most people."

"sometimes i call watermelons summer pumpkins and nobody ever knows what im talking about."

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Cut the brake lines on his Prius."

"Why you should wash your car? WASH YOUR CAR BECAUSE IT IS DIRTIER THAN MILEY CYRUS!"

"I went to a Native American barber, but I wouldn't recommend him. I got an uneven haircut, and Apache shave."

"So anyway, one of my favorite pastimes is not drowning."

"The president says 60% of Americans don't know math -- 60%. So what if 60% don't know math? What about the 85% that do know math?"

"Knock Knock... What's the best ""Knock Knock"" Joke?"

"If I'm ever captured as a spy, all they'd have to do to get me to talk is put my house slipper on the wrong foot."

"The bravest thing you can do is change & the weakest is to settle for comfort. But, seriously, that remote is really far from the couch."