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Joke of the Day

"A cactus as a houseplant is a good way to let people know that you've killed every other living thing that you've ever been responsible for."

"What's the difference between a drum, a woman, and a blowjob? You can beat a drum. And you can beat a woman. But you can't beat a blowjob."

"The internet is an amazing thing. One minute I'm at work looking up random pages, passing the time, the next minute I'm at home looking for a new job."

"Tomb Raider gave me carpal tunnel syndrome. ...and that was just the box art."

"Why is it called the 3/5 compromise? Because it is only 2/5 solution."

"What do you call a Rasta with a liberal arts degree? Jahbless!"

"Why can't dwarfs sing? Because they can't reach the high notes. Bonus: how does dwarves communicate? Smalltalk."

"""She's so hot. But she had, like, no mascara on. It's a no go for me."" -dudes, according to ladies"

"I'm reexamining my life after buying 63 pounds of unsalted butter because it seems a little weird even by my standards"

"I was tanning on the beach with my son. After a while, he looked at me and said, ""You're look like a lobster."" ""Uh oh, do I need some sun tan lotion?"" I asked. He said, ""No, you're just really ugly."""