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Joke of the Day

"I am not fake. I am not a parody. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe, you cosmic dipshits."

"It has been said that 25% of people have a distrust of stairs Because they are always up to something"

"My friend was upset that he lost out on a promotion at work to an attractive older woman. I told him not to cry over skilled MILF."

"Why is the alcoholic law student sad? Because he couldn't pass the bar."

"Lil Wayne is like if a doctor's handwriting came to life."

"Heard this one at work today I called out order number 404 Guy comes up and says ""I thought I would never find it!"""

"I asked my brother why he was taking a dictionary and thesaurus to his theater rehearsal. He said it was a play on words."

"Did you hear that funny Amy Schumer joke? Me either."

"How did people know Patrick Stewart was crying? Because he bawled."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never had a lentil all over my chest."