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Joke of the Day

"I am not fake. I am not a parody. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe, you cosmic dipshits."

"Look UPS guy, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to have pants on."

"A short facts list 1) 50% of facts are made up 2) I made up the first fact"

"BEST YOUR MUM JOKE Knock Knock Whos there? Your mum Your mum who? Your mum is a greedy mogul ;) ahahaha im so funny m8"

"What if... ...the U.S. government builds a wall to keep the Americans in?"

"I've won the war! My pants fit! **Congratulations, have you lost weight?** _Even better... I've bought new pants!!!_"

"I miss Steve Irwin But the stingray didnt."

"if going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions"

"I read somewhere that only 2/11 jokes are funny. Well, what I read was that 9/11 jokes are never funny, but I like to be positive."

"Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet."