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Joke of the Day

"U2 sent their new album to every Apple device through the Cloud. I hear if you play the first song backwards you hear Bono saying ""Please buy our albums again. We're desperate."""

"A man asked his wife ""what would you do if i won the lottery?"" She said ""take half and leave your ass."" ""Good,"" he replied. I won twelve dollars, here's six, now get out."""

"When i die i want to go peacefully like my friend in his sleep. Not screaming and crying like the passengers in his car."

"Me: Go ahead. Waiter: Huh? Me: You're staring at my hair. Go ahead & touch it. Waiter: There's a leaf in it."

"Chuck Norris Found The Ark Of The Covenant... He Currently Uses It As A Coffee Table."

"i got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch."

"I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs"

"My ex-wife still misses me... but her aim is getting better!"

"Doctors just assume I want all my blood at a particular pressure."

"I was on a ride at a funfair. One minute I was laughing my head off. Next I felt angry. Then I just became very sad. Turns out I was on an emotional roller coaster."