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Joke of the Day

"When i die i want to go peacefully like my friend in his sleep. Not screaming and crying like the passengers in his car."

"If you don't send the person you're stalking a nude photo of yourself, then you're not taking that relationship serious enough!"

"I used to repost stolen comedian jokes and try to pass them off as my own. I still do but I used to too."

"Everyone is at the store buying milk and bread to prepare for the snow. I'm buying frozen pizza. Enjoy your milk sandwiches, losers!"

"My friend keeps saying ""cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"" I hope he means well..."

"Her: I love it when we finish each other's Him: pancakes"

"I was seeing a therapist for trust issues, but I had to quit going when I found out he was seeing other patients."

"I don't have a small penis... its just ""fun sized""."

"[couch shopping] Wife: Eh, you married to it? *a bead of sweat trickles down my brow as I hope she doesn't notices the couch's wedding ring*"

"A guy walks into a Barr... and Roseanne's like, ""Hey! Watch where you're going!"""