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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see a couple with a significant height difference, I always picture them doing it."

"Me: *shakes bosses hand* Sorry I'm late to the meeting boss. Boss: No problem, restroom? Me: Yes, and we're out of TP and hand soap again."

"Here is an old joke my old man used to tell me There is a 4 year old, 6 year old, 8 year old, 10 year old, and me trying to catch a home run ball. Who gets the ball? Me because fuck them"

"How about instead of shaking hands we nod at each other and that way we both won't have to wash our hands?"

"Do you know that condoms have serial numbers on them? No? I guess you haven't rolled them down all the way."

"So the other day this guy almost died because of [removed]"

"A line for cops who pull over attractive drunk models If I could put you in the alphabet, I would go D U I and that's why I'm a writer, I look forward to your hatred of bad jokes"

"Boss: OMFG man what happened to ur eye? [cut to me riding a horse into the garage door during medieval role play] ""I ran into a door"""

"*runs in place* *cracks knuckles* *stretches neck* *takes a deep breath* *heads toward buffet*"

"A friend went to the CVS in Baltimore after the looting to pick up some items, the only things left behind were sun tan lotion and father's day cards."