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Joke of the Day

"A friend went to the CVS in Baltimore after the looting to pick up some items, the only things left behind were sun tan lotion and father's day cards."

"Surprised to hear five people were shot at a Chris Brown show, most notably because why were there that many people at a Chris Brown show?"

"How many pallbearers are needed at an Indian funeral? 2, it only takes two people to carry a trash-can."

"Shout out to everybody home for the holidays telling their family about conversations that happened online by saying ""My, uh... friend said..."""

"Did you hear about the 'Flock of Seagulls' fan who shot himself? [OC] Apparently the gun had a hair trigger."

"Drugs are really bad for your mind. All these years I thought I worked in an office, but it turns out I'm actually a centaur."

"I'm that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards."

"So today's my wife's birthday... I went out and bought her some flowers and a vibrator. That's so if she doesn't like the flowers she can go fuck herself."

"What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common? They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead."

"Pac Man is my favourite video game about my life. It keeps getting harder and I can't stop eating everything in sight."