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Joke of the Day

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that he's finished."

"It's been a week since my wife went missing. The police told me to expect the worst. So I took her things back out of the garbage bin."

"I rather have a bottle of soda for President than Donald Trump. This way, we could truly have a Liter of the Free World."

"Hey people who say ""look at our new baby"", thanks for clarifying that because my initial reaction was to ask where you got the used baby"

"Women call me ugly until they hear how much money I make. Then they call me ugly *and* poor."

"Anyone know where I could find a bunch of ""Glad You Aren't Here"" postcards to send out when I go on my vacation in a few weeks? I'll need about 50 of them."

"What's the last sound you hear before a pube hits the floor? tppppthh....""spit sound"""

"How come the leader of the USSR from the 1920's to 1951 never got anything done? ...because he was always Stalin."

"to all the people in Australia o"

"So Jesus walks into a hotel... Jesus walks into a hotel and hands the receptionist 3 nails. He asks the receptionist, 'Could you put me up for the night?'"