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Joke of the Day

"I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, ""I'm crap at fishing and need some tips"". The man said, ""Okay, can you hold the line?"" I said, ""No""."

"another vampire joke for you guys. What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? ""see you next month."""

"When my phone rings, I stay very, very still. If I don't move, it can't see me."

"Ever look out the window of a plane and see a huge target on the roof of a Target? Haven't these people ever watched the History Channel?"

"How do you make holy water? Fill a container and boil the hell out of it"

"What is the fastest way to exit a car on the highway? Through the windshield"

"A Neutron walks into a bar ""I'd like a beer,"" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. ""How much will that be?"" asks the neutron. ""For you?"" replies the bartender, ""no charge."""

"THIS IS THE COPS. WE KNOW YOU HAVE NWA'S ""FU*CK THE POLICE"" ON REPEAT IN THERE. COME OUT & SAY SORRY TO OFFICER DAVIS. YOU MADE HIM CRY DUDE"

"Why do old men prefer golf more than sex? The fewer the strokes the better you are at it ;)"

"How do you spell candy with two letters? C and Y"