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Joke of the Day

"If you woke up in the woods with a handful of leaves and a condom hanging out of your butt, would you tell anyone? Wanna go camping?"

"What's a pervert's favorite train stop? Molestation"

"ME: Off to the concert with my friends WIFE: Say hi to everyone for me [later] ME [individually saying hi to 10,000 ppl] This is exhausting"

"The Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Manti's girlfriend walk into a bar... Rimshot!"

"By not having a 160 character limit, we are missing out on all the good tweets that have 141 through 160 characters. It's science."

"The living can't communicate with the dead, that's just seance fiction"

"Scientist released new findings proving that there are now only seven planets in our solar system after I destroyed Uranus."

"This Petraeus scandal is getting real confusing. I hope I didn't sleep with him."

"What's the difference between my wife and the dress? The dress is white and gold"

"I spent 20 years traversing across the globe searching for the best mustache... ... Until I realized the best mustache was right under my nose the whole time"