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Joke of the Day

"Just had a panic attack thinking how little time I've practiced picking up stuff with my toes in the event I ever lose my arms."

"There is no I in Team, but there's always one big A... if you know what I mean."

"American cheese is just regular cheese that's not afraid to fight for freedom! Also, it's fatter than the other cheeses. And more racist."

"Why did microsoft go directly to windows 10? Because windows 7 8 9"

"How do you make an Octopus laugh? Give it ten-tickles"

"Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple."

"Working at the aluminum recycling plant is the saddest job I've ever had... ... It's just soda pressing."

"my uber driver said today, ""I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."" Then I said, ""Turn left"""

"Why weren't the baked beans heating up? They were just chilling"

"The Wikipedia entry for 'Toe Injury' is a stub."