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Joke of the Day

"9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?"

"Yesterday I burnt my food so black... ... it stole my bike."

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any pixar movie in his collection except one. He's never gonna give you Up."

"Why did OP get fired from his job as a mailman? He never delivered."

"There's this woman in my office who is wearing the same outfit as yesterday and she reeks of tequi......ok it's me."

"There's an entire group of white people who believe the most cultured thing you can do is decorate your home with weird Asian themed stuff."

"As the zombies swarm, I ask for one last selfie. By the time they realise their dead flesh won't activate the touch screen, I'm long gone."

"What do you call a handjob in a swimming pool? A pull noodle"

"What's the temperate inside of a ton-ton? What's the temperature inside of a ton-ton? Lukewarm."

"Don't just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It's important to also watch some TV."