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Joke of the Day

"[At supermarket] ""Excuse me do you work here?"" WHAT? ME? Work HERE? Hell no. I went to college. I don't have a job"

"What do you call a frugal Transformer? Optimus Dime."

"Twilight and Hostess are over. It's a sad day for fat girls."

"A Chinese man goes to the optician and the doctor tells him he has a Cataract. That Chinese man says ""no, I have a BMW""."

"[white house staff meeting] Obama: Any questions? *Biden raises hand* Obama: Spongebob is yellow Joe. *Biden returns to coloring book*"

"twitter getting rid of the 140-character limit is a bad idea. the ability to say what you need to say in as few words as possible is (1/533)"

"What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a nigger? Someone who is too lazy to steal."

"Fucked this girl for an hour and 45 seconds a while ago. Thanks daylight savings"

"The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar... It was tense."

"Only people who've walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist."