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Joke of the Day
"What did they call the Pillsbury Doughboy after he hurt his leg? Limp Biscuit"
Next Joke
"Holy shit. Just realized that my last girlfriend was born the same year I got my first credit card. And I'm not even hot like Larry King."
"When I'm out with my kids and I see an x-boyfriend I like to scare him by saying ""Don't make eye contact with daddy."""
"She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically."
"What did the mayor of dinosaur town say when crime increased by 50%? This calls for Jurastic changes"
"Why do smart people wear glasses? Because as resolution goes down performance goes up. This is a little bad but...."
"Where does a toxicologist go to get the best possible education? A Poison Ivy League College."
"A skeleton walks into a bar... He says to the bartender, ""I'm gonna need a beer and a mop."""
"Trying to take the best instagram picture ever but the kittens keep drowning in the latte."
"As founder and CEO of YOLO Guaranteed, my first product launch will be fishnet parachutes."