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Joke of the Day

"So, this dugong was all up in my face today askin what kinda shirt I was wearin. I said, ""Manatee."""

"One time I walked into KFC It was dark in there."

"just saw Gravity. excuse me while I go hug the earth."

"How to sound Irish on St. Patrick's day Whale Oil Beef Hooked Now say it very fast"

"What do KFC and Tumblr have in common? Transfats"

"[hears a dog in the distance barking in the middle of the night] Yeah I'd love to be friends."

"How long is one minute? It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on."

"congrats to those who made it onto my ""Not A Lizard"" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum."

"me: [seductively ignores and stays away from you to let you know i'm into you]"

"I bet you $4,567.89 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie."