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Joke of the Day

"If you're worried about not getting a New Year's Eve kiss this year, just remember Valentine's Day is coming up and you're probably going to be alone for that, too."

"Did you know that Irish only put 239 beans in their chili?? If they added just one more, it would be too-farty!"

"What's the difference between a chickpea & a lentil? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a lentil in my face"

"What do you call a comedian who couldn't make it? Pun intended."

"Imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday- Every half hour it goes to your room opens the door, and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves."

"My 5 yr old son was just imprisoned for skipping naptime He was resisting a rest"

"If you are a driver who swerves right before turning left, take a long hard look in the mirror, and then punch yourself in the face."

"My sergeant just told me this... Im going to get an old car, take a sledge hammer to the back bumper repeatedly , then get a bumper sticker that says ""I brake for tailgaters."""

"Just getting romantic with the wife when our slow cooker set off our smoke alarm so yes, I was crock blocked."

"Spider Island Day 1: The arachnids are intelligent & friendly hosts. They even built me a hammock to ensure my comfort. Day 2: I was wrong."