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Joke of the Day

"Irony is when you see someone circle around the parking lot 5 times to get the spot closest to the gym"

"Why are Ethiopians so good at blowjobs? Because they have to swallow everything they can"

"You can call me Vladimir. Because I'm going to be Putin it in your butt <3"

"[park bench with girlfriend] so you're dumping me because you don't think I'm smart? ""yes brent"" *starts raining* great and now sky water"

"87% of my day is spent remembering my kids names and my anniversary and stuff and the other 57% is trying to do math."

"The Big C Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried. ""What's the matter?"" I asked. ""I've got the big C,""he said. ""What, cancer?"" ""No, dyslexia."""

"Some folks just can't pull off a bow tie... ...and they choke to death."

"The only 'B' word you should ever call a woman is ""beautiful""... ...because bitches love it when you call them ""beautiful"""

"A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ""Is this some kind of joke?"""

"Did you hear what happened when the Pope went to mount Olive? Popeye beat the shit out of him."