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Joke of the Day

"YOU CAN'T BUY HOT POCKETS YOU CAN ONLY BUY COLD POCKETS YOU ARE EXPECTED SUPPLY THE HEAT YOURSELF DONT BELIEVE THE LIES."

"Why could the chef not cook a tree branch? Because he used a non-stick pan."

"I went into a pesticide shop and asked the owner if he had anything for flies. Stupid idiot shat in my hand."

"You're so beautiful I can't describe it with words.. but numbers can. 3/10."

"[on first date] I'll have an iced tea, please. Waiter: Sure. Ummm...anything for the balloon with a woman's face drawn on it?"

"Niggawatt Def: theoretical unit of work. The amount of work 1 black man can produce in 1 hour."

"[Giving a toast] ""It was when I was entering blackout that I realized I forgot the Plan B at home. Happy 1st birthday, you little accident."""

"What do dogs have that no other animal has ? Puppy dogs !"

"My Dermatologist makes $60 a Pop !"

"yo mama is so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans am i wearing i said Guess and she said Levis."