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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a mining company and priests? A mining company puts miners in shafts."

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"What kind of moronic mirror thinks that Kristen Stewart is fairer than Charlize Theron?"
"Just saw myself naked in a full length mirror, and I had an epiphany. Either someone in my family tree had sex with the baboon or pissed off a gypsy."
"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair Virgin mobile"
"Let's have phone sex over walkie talkies. ""Bend over."" ""Bend what? Over."""
"Teacher : Tommy you try my patience ! Tommy: No teacher you had better try mine. There's more of it !"
"(Dad joke warning) What was the almond tree doing all damn summer long? Nuttin'"
"If you slowly put your fingers in someone's mouth, they will quit telling you about their day at work."
"Him: You're not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you darlin? Me: HOW DARE Y... Wait, did you just call me darlin"
"I saw a midget carrying a TV out of Best Buy I asked, ""Hey, do you need help with that flat-screen?"" He replied, ""Fuck off, this is a Kindle!"""