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Joke of the Day

"I'm trying to choose a Freudian therapist... ...but they're all sex of one, half a dozen of your mother."

"A DEER IN THE WOODS. A little sweet old lady, told me this one. Question: What did they Deer say when she came out of the woods?\ Answer: ""I will never do that again for 2 bucks?"" My reply: Ha Ha! :)"

"I got jury duty next week My duty is to convince the jury that I didn't do it."

"What does a pedophile and a turtle have in common? They both wanna get there before the hare does."

"Girls always think I'm ugly until they see what's in my bank account Then they think I'm ugly AND poor"

"Knock knock joke I came up with in the 3rd grade... Knock, knock. Who's there? Nunya. Nunya who? Nunya dang business who?"

"""If anyone has any objections, speak now or- SHES LITERALLY A BANANA Groom: IS THIS TRUE EMMA? Best man: I f'kin KNEW she bruised too easily"

"One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, He said ""here's a picture of me when I was younger."" I responded ""Every picture is of you when you were younger."" -Mitch Hedberg"

"Why do mermaids wear seashells for a bra? Because ""B"" shells would be too small!"

"If your Dad leaves, just act like you're installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad"