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Joke of the Day

"Girls always think I'm ugly until they see what's in my bank account Then they think I'm ugly AND poor"

"My daughter lost her 1st tooth today so I'm staying up all night to see The Rock in a tutu."

"He thought I wore a size two. A size two?! I started laughing so hard, I spit out the donut I was eating."

"""Dad, can I go to the renaissance festival?"" ME: No, you're still grounded ""No fair!"" ME: Yes, that's what I said"

"I laughed a lot harder than I should have Man: do you know why fat people are so comfortable? Lady: why? Man : because they eat so much comfort food"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. But don't ask me how they got in there."

"An Anus gets into a fight with two guys at a bar he rectum"

"Why did a hungry African man crossed the road? To get the aids."

"A guy picks up a prostitute After they're done she says: I feel so loved. You fuck like a god! As they start smoking a cigarette in bed she asks: By the way, why do you have holes in your hands."

"I want a girl who asks me to do things that I have to Google."