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Joke of the Day

"If you make that Civic muffler loud enough, you can drown out your dad's voice calling you a worthless piece of crap. Almost."

"I went to the local art museum, I really enjoyed it and took lots of pictures. But unfortunately I'm now banned until I bring them back."

"Using Latin phrases to sound smart is my modus operandi."

"How did they invent break dancing? Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car."

"What do you call a Mexican with a broken-down car? Joaquin."

"What has an N, an I, two G's, an E, and an R and can be used to describe people of a certain color? GINGER."

"Bad: I saw my girlfriend's name and number on a couple of men's bathroom walls.. Worse: It was in her handwriting..."

"I like my women how I like my whiskey. 13 years old and mixed up with coke."

"Florida mom delivers 14-pound baby after surprise pregnancy . Florida?? NO PART of this story surprises me."

"The vet told me ""I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down..."" ""Oh God!"" I said. ""WHY?!"" ""Because my arms are getting tired."" he said."