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Joke of the Day

"The vet told me ""I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down..."" ""Oh God!"" I said. ""WHY?!"" ""Because my arms are getting tired."" he said."

"A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams ''Nein! Nein!'' So two guys walk away."

"I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet."

"If your social security number was your cell phone number... what would your number be?"

"I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl with one hand. It's 42."

"My dream car is shaq wearing heelys holding me up by my hips like simba"

"What do you call a jewish eskimo? A kike!"

"|T|h|i|n|k| |I| |f|o|u|n|d| |s|o|m|e|t|h|i|n|g| |m|o|r|e| |a|n|n|o|y|i|n|g| |t|h|a|n| |h|a|s|h|t|a|g|s|"

"What did the thief say when he saw the man leave his coat behind? let's jack it."

"Trump Tower and Michael Phelps Between Michael Phelps and Trump Tower, it has been the biggest week for suction cups in the history of mankind."