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Joke of the Day

"What do you have to do to have beautiful hands? Nothing."

"I'm going to open an ISIS themed cafe called Allahu Snackbar - our food is the bomb."

"My gym teacher said get in line or ill tip a cow. i asked ""how much money are you gonna tip the cow?"""

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing knives"

"[parole hearing] ""What will u do if released?"" ""Kill everyone on the jury."" ""What?"" ""Buy everyone jewellery."" ""Aw. Granted."""

"Poem flipped around Jack and Jill went up the hill so jack could lick her candy. He got a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jill's real name was randy"

"My kids have strategically placed items in an overflowing garbage can like they're building a Jenga puzzle. Have kids. It's fun."

"A Vegan, a crossfitter and a Game of thrones fan walk into a bar, 5 minutes later everybody knew about it."

"Why do Republicans oppose Gay Marriage AND Obamacare? Because they hate mandates."

"What I say: Play outside. What my kid hears: Find a spot in the yard where I can't see you so I constantly imagine you've been kidnapped."