228288

Joke of the Day

"What I say: Play outside. What my kid hears: Find a spot in the yard where I can't see you so I constantly imagine you've been kidnapped."

"I'm coming out with a workout video called ""Beached Whale Body"". It's just a video of me sitting on my recliner with my computer on my lap and phone in hand."

"Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live."

"Soviet Valentine's Day You are the hammer to my sickle."

"What's long and black? The unemployment line."

"What do you call repetitive diarrhea? Re-runs. (ba-dum, tss) It's just the same shit over and over again."

"Saw my neighbour scrubbing some graffiti saying 'paedo' off his door this morning... I said ""What's been going on mate?"" He said ""Fucking kids!"""

"Wife: Valentine's day is right around the corner. Me: No worries, so is Wal-Mart."

"April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims."

"How do you greet a German baker? Gluten Tag"