141997

Joke of the Day

"Wife ran into my ex girlfriend today. I asked if she still looked good? Always wondered what the worst thing I could say was. That was it."

"So a 70ish year old grandpa randomly walked up to me in the gym and laid this one on me: What's the similarity between a flat chested woman and a stone? You skip them both."

"What's the fastest game in the world? Pass the Parcel in a Belfast Pub."

"Surprise sex is the best sex. Unless you're in prison."

"""Your majesty, we've searched far for him."" ""Did you search wide?"" ""No."" ""Yeah, you better do that."""

"I think the bloke next to me is gay. I'm trying to take a shit, but he keeps giving me looks. I'll try the next urinal."

"How do u kill a blonde ? Give her a knife and ask her who is the prettiest of all ."

"Why did Florence Welch sing 'Sweet Nothing'? Because she was out of lemo-nada. It's okay guys, i'll let myself out..."

"Who invented King Arthur's Round Table? Sir Cumference!"

"I've GOT to get a life stenographer. It'd be great to say, ""Betty, read back last night so I can see why I put a skillet on my nightstand."""