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Joke of the Day

"What's the fastest game in the world? Pass the Parcel in a Belfast Pub."

"WIFE: How's the ventriloquism going? ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it."

"I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds. Then I got a Twitter account, and I'm over it."

"Russian Nursery Rhyme The incy wincy conrade Was tugging at his chain About rights of workers He complain The secret police Am get order to restrain And the incy wincy comrade was never seen again"

"TIL, over 23% of jokes on /r/jokes are just ripoffs of previous ones Whooooops... Wrong sub( )"

"I've just found that my Wii remote doesn't work if you take it out of the sync region. Much like my wife."

"I'm switching all of my clocks to a 24-hour format... ...making it much easier to wait til 5 o'clock to start drinking"

"It's pretty amazing that I'm able to balance my two kids, my career as a doctor, and my pathological lying!!"

"What do you call a muscular Arab? Protein sheikh"

"Doctor: ""I'm afraid-"" *Wife crying* ""I'm afraid your husband is in a better place now."" *cut to me on a roller coaster at Disneyland*"