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Joke of the Day

"""Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!"" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight."

"Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh it's all right. I know what's inside."

"""Can you make me look like this?"" *shows hairdresser a picture of fire*"

"I own a lot of cleaning supplies for someone whose friends inscribed ""dust me"" on my coffee table recently."

"How can you tell what rank a Russian soldier is? Count the stripes on his track pants."

"Sure glad I filled my iPod with shit that I hate."

"So yet another snake walks into a bar... He asks the bartender, ""Gimme a shot of Jack!"" ""No sir."" ""Well why not?"" The snake said. ""You can't hold your liquor!"""

"Bill Joe Armstrong (From Greenday) was walking down the street. A girl walked past him and said ""Wow, you smell amazing."" He replied: ""That's because I wore cologne, I wore cologne."""

"What's the difference between a slut and a bowling ball? Nothing....you find them both in an alley, finger the holes, throw them in the gutter, and they keep coming back."

"You can find weed in almost every book go to page 420"