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Joke of the Day

"""Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!"" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight."

"The perfect Irish bean stew (In an Irish accent) Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans? Because if you added one more it'd be two farty."

"I'm no scientist, but I don't think it's possible for EVERYBODY to be kung fu fighting."

"Corporations big and small rejoice as taxes are lowered in St. Louis for businesses. Once again proving that famous saying; Missouri loves companies."

"What do you call a drink with problems? Dilemmanade"

"Terrorists are so slutty They'll blow on the first date"

"If I'm ever on life support unplug me Then plug me back in see if that works"

"How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants? He'll do it **Juan by Juan.** (So corny, IK.)"

"I have a pizza joke but it's a little cheesy"

"Girl, are you a homeless horse? Because you look unstable."