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Joke of the Day

"I own a lot of cleaning supplies for someone whose friends inscribed ""dust me"" on my coffee table recently."

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"""wow these chicken wings are SPICY"" i say aloud to no one, the world ended years ago. i'm not even eating wings. even the sun has gone"
"Who am I? I mustache you a question but I am shaving it for later."
"Why people hate Billy Mays jokes because they're corny."
"Why did the ""upright man"", a humanoid species, went extinct 70.000 years ago? Because they got homo e-rekt-us."
"My wife's celebrity ""free pass"" is Paul Rudd, and mine is my wife because yah right like I'm gonna walk into *that* propeller blade."
"My parents just got their first computer. Nigeria, go easy on my inheritance."
"I rang the gym about joining their yoga class. They asked: *""how flexible are you?""*   I said *""I can't make Wednesdays or Thursdays""*."
"[After 20 min at your house] I used all your toilet paper ""Check in the cabine-"" All of it ""We have more in the gar-"" All of it all of it"
"Getting mail addressed to ""Current Resident"" is the sales equivalent of a guy group texting ""You free tonight?"" to every girl in his phone."
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