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Joke of the Day

"Do you know why you dont get along with cassiopeia? Cause she is petrifying gays."

"What's the difference between mass and weight? Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on Catholics. (From a poster on the ceiling in my dentists office)"

"What did Matthew McConaughey say when he got a scholarship? Fulbright, fulbright, fulbright..."

"I'm volunteering at the tempura house tonight. It's a shelter for lightly battered women."

"Turned on TV and heard people talking about grinding, pumping & hole filling. Sadly, it was just CNN."

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He tried to work it out with a slide rule."

"Why didn't blacks in 1850 give high-fives? Because everyone always left them hanging!"

"Yesterday, I was told to ""check your privilege."" I did. It's still there."

"Sometimes cops don't believe it when I explain that my mom's dying wish was to keep her cremated ashes inside a bag of blow in my glove box."

"My wife gave me a brochure on anger management the other day. I lost it."