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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a bag of coke and a baby? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window."

"I came up with an original word yesterday... ...plagiarism."

"Her: I like how you did your hair today. Me: OMG thank you, I passed out in my closet last night."

"Your mommas so fat When she goes to the movies she sits next to everybody."

"Reddit must have seen your mom the other day... ...cause went down for while and has been *up* ever since."

"I'm fairly tall so folks are always asking me ""Do you play basketball?"" My standard reply: ""No, do you play miniature golf?"""

"Today my 6yo said it was good it's snowing, as that means the earth isn't getting hotter, and tonight she starts as an anchor on Fox News."

"Anyone who gives me flowers makes my whole day. Anyone who gives me anal makes my whole week."

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS."

"You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water. If it sinks: girl ant.... If it floats: boy ant."