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Joke of the Day

"Today my 6yo said it was good it's snowing, as that means the earth isn't getting hotter, and tonight she starts as an anchor on Fox News."

"Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won't understand how many calories are in it."

"What ya call a lesbian with large fingers? Well hung!"

"If someone overtakes me when I'm walking, I match their speed so it looks like I've got friends."

"What does a pirate call his idiot son? A retarrrrrd"

"Dicks are like LAYS potato chips... No one ever sucks JUST ONE!!"

"Three guys walk into a bar... John Wick kills them with a pencil. A fucking pencil."

"What's the worst thing about Jonestown jokes? The punch line."

"A man walks into a brothel... and is approached by one of the whores. She greets him politely, asking, ""What can I do you for?"" to which the man replies, ""Money."""

"Senior Year? More like sleep and beer."