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Joke of the Day

"I hate my new hair cut. Hopefully it will grow on me."

"Where do sick boats go? The dock!"

"Look, I might not take a bullet for you but I'd push someone else in front of you which is practically the same thing."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.."

"[Amphibian Playground] BULLFROG: look at all u lil toad nerds TOAD: help! a BULLYfrog! TEACHER SNAKE: i'll handle this *eats everyone*"

"I carry around a note in my wallet that says, ""The curse must be passed, I'm so sorry"" in case it's ever stolen."

"The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a? small medium at large."

"Don't stand in the rain if you're stuck in a shit storm"

"I make apocalypse jokes... Like there's no tomorrow"

"What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature? Tequila Mockingbird!"