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Joke of the Day

"Two muffins were in an oven. One says to the other, ""Damn, it's hot in here."" The other one says, ""Holy shit! A talking muffin!"""

"Sorry I conned your kid out of their Chuck E Cheese tickets. Maybe try not raising a sucker. Now excuse me, I have a sweet toy to play with."

"""What did you do?"" ""Genocide. You?"" ""I shared a 10 Funniest Autocorrect FAILS on Facebook."" - Conversations in Hell"

"I got a job at the circus. I had to circumcise the elephants. The wages weren't great but the tips were enormous."

"I just sneezed so violently, I think it qualifies as an ab workout. (Screw you, I'm counting it.)"

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman? Accounting for the toxins in the skin of an unwashed potato... about 457"

"Happy Halloween... may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong! "

"How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!"

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like ""hey thanks"" and I'm like ""I'm just happy to be a part of this nice community"""

"I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary."