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Joke of the Day

"when it's april 2nd and she still pregnant"

"99% of my socks are single and you don't see them crying about it."

"[goes to museum of fine art] ""Just how fine can this art be, anyway"" [sees a vase in a thong] ""oh damn"""

"I've noticed... I've noticed, if you're scared of spiders they always turn up in your bedroom. So by using that logic... I'm scared of blonde girls with big boobs."

"ME: I have so many questions SOOTHSAYER: forsooth ME: Exactly lol S: SOOTH ME: Yeah so- S: Sooth? ME: You only say sooth eh S: *nods* sooth"

"I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts making explosive noises so I check and it's still cold. Why you gotta be so childish?"

"Mario & Luigi Mario :- Ey Luigi , whats this funny ol' image called. Luigi:- It a Meme , Mario"

"What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky."

"Dear YouTube: Please just assume that I'd like to ""skip ad"". You don't need to ask anymore."

"Why are clouds like jockeys? Because they hold the reins!"