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Joke of the Day

"Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window"

"On the toilet for 20 minutes. Wish you were here."

"If I could have sex with any historical figure it would be Marie Antoinette. I hear she gives good head."

"What does a physics cow say? "

"My girlfriend reminds me of Chernobyl... There's nuclear fallout when she over-reacts!"

"I have a flight to catch but there is a cat on my lap"

"I don't come into YOUR bathroom and tell YOU how to tweet."

"Went to the doctors and told him l was suffering from premature ejaculation. He asked how does your wife feel about it? I said she took it on the chin the first time but now its getting on her tits..."

"Christiano Ronaldo races with himself. Who won? No one. They both came second."

"Dustin Diamond aka 'Screech' arrested for bar stabbing... Will he be, '""Saved by the Bail""?"