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Joke of the Day

"Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window"

"*worm surgeon beside worm in hospital bed."" Doc:"" Surgery went good but the floor was slippery and long story short you have a son now."""

"It's complicated"" is just code for, ""I'm willing to cheat."""

"What is a cow's favorite Bob Seger song? Night moooves. Sorry..."

"*Approaches a guy reading ""Catch Me If You Can""* I love that book. The way he just *clenches fist* catches all those freakin' cans."

"I love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses."

"Brexit EU now has 1 GB of free space!!"

"Mom: ""Why are you always on your phone? What's so great about the internet?"" Me: It doesn't constantly ask me questions"

"What do you get if you cross King Kong with a budgie? A messy cage."

"Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are."