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Joke of the Day

"Mom: ""Why are you always on your phone? What's so great about the internet?"" Me: It doesn't constantly ask me questions"

"I told my friends that I'm going on a date with a gorgeous girl, and they teased me that she's imaginary. Joke's on them, they are too."

"Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realize where we're going."

"Why Yao-Ming tries to catch Pikachu? He's from Team Rocket"

"Why Tom Hiddleston wasn't in age of ultron. Maybe Tom Hiddleston wasn't in age of ultron cause he's trying to stay low key."

"The jury found me guilty. I asked the judge what the punishment would be, and he said: ""Well..."" Suspended sentence"

"What do robots eat? A bit of this and a byte of that. Courtesy of /u/DabsyGalore here http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/1dnslv/i_made_a_working_rollercoaster_using_only_canned/c9s630i"

"What does Bob the spider do for a living? He's a web developer."

"I just saw the movie 50 Shades of gray You could say it had a huge climax."

"A man walks into a therapist's office, looking for closure..."