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Joke of the Day

"It's complicated"" is just code for, ""I'm willing to cheat."""

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"That ""dammit"" moment when you forget to take your phone to the toilet so you just sit there like ""Now what do I do...?"""
"Why is the beef in Colorado so good? Because the steaks are high."
"What happens every year when the Time Square Ball drops? Justin Bieber gets jealous."
"I came up with an excuse for being late I was marching with Martin Luther King, but then some firemen mistook us for fire and tried to put us out; that's why I was late sorry."
"Why won't Derek Zoolander vote for Hillary Clinton? Because he can't turn left."
"Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that's not your Ferrari?"
"I tried phone sex today I ended up with hearing aids"
"What do you call a whistle-blower in a blizzard Edward Snowed-in"
"Will no one rid me of this turbulent poodle?"